{"id":208,"date":"2015-05-30T17:45:01","date_gmt":"2015-05-31T00:45:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/?p=208"},"modified":"2015-06-03T15:57:40","modified_gmt":"2015-06-03T22:57:40","slug":"guardians-of-the-galaxy-27","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/?p=208","title":{"rendered":"Guardians of the Galaxy 27"},"content":{"rendered":"

Before we start digging in to this issue, to really get the necessary background, I should bring up the first two issues of the spinoff series Guardians Team-Up \u2013 because naturally, I\u2019m sure there were fans pointing to Bendis\u2019s GotG and saying \u201cYes, this<\/em>, we want more of this!<\/em>\u201d \u00a0I think these two issues are a handy summation, a microcosm if you will, of everything wrong with Bendis\u2019s lazy writing \u2013 for example, the alien Chitauri demonstrating one of my top pet peeves by haphazardly alternating between translated<\/a> speech<\/a> and unintelligible<\/a> squiggles<\/a>, depending on whether or not Bendis feels like letting the reader know what the characters are saying to each other. \u00a0Not to mention\u00a0the apparent necessity to include every<\/em> character in every<\/em> team involved in\u00a0every<\/em> crossover.\u00a0 Look at this cluster@#$%<\/a>! \u00a0That’s twelve <\/em>Avengers!\u00a0 Dear reader, do you think that even a fraction<\/em> of all these characters are going to actually contribute to this story? \u00a0Not even kidding, master of kung-fu Shang-Chi’s only, only<\/em> line in this entire issue is, “Okay, wow, space people.” \u00a0It’s what I absolutely do not understand about crossovers these days: why include EVERY<\/em> character if they’re not going to DO<\/em> anything? \u00a0I know a case could be made against crossovers like the Infinity War where everybody assembles only to stand around in the Baxter Building, but if you want to know what Vindicator or Multiple Man think about what’s going on, you can find out in their respective series. \u00a0But do you… do you think anyone who’s a fan of, say,\u00a0Cannonball is going to be happy that he shows\u00a0up in this story, only to say\u00a0things like “Gesundheit!” when Drax yells “Chitauri!”? \u00a0Why not, instead of all<\/em> the Avengers, perhaps just invite… some<\/em> of the Avengers?<\/p>\n

But anyway, I’m getting off-track. \u00a0You can sum up this entire waste-of-Art-Adams’-talent issue in one sentence: the GotG are pursued from space, they crash into Earth (conveniently), meet the Avengers, have a pointless fight with some Chitauri for a while until they fire off a giant knock-out energy bomb<\/del> I mean “genetic disruptor,” and then Nebula spacenaps Gamora. \u00a0(But my sole\u00a0favorite part of this issue was good ol\u2019 Hawkeye just trying to eat his sandwich in peace, but then hanging his head in resignation<\/a> after two spaceships flew by in quick succession. \u00a0Thank god for you, Art Adams.)<\/p>\n

The second issue begins with a moderately-humorous scene of a policeman and an EMT standing alongside the crater left from the Chiaturi battle, littered with unconscious Avengers and GotG. \u00a0The raccoon bits are as tired as ever, but I did\u00a0think “Is that a tree or a sculpture of a tree?” “Were they fighting over it?” was pretty funny. \u00a0When wondering aloud whether or not these are the actual Avengers, one asks, “Where’s Thor<\/em>, then?” \u00a0Because hey yeah, where is<\/em> Thor, Brian Michael Bendis? \u00a0Despite the new Thor not yet having anything<\/em> to do with the Avengers, we clearly saw her<\/a> in the first issue, standing silently in the background with a stupid blank look on her face, probably just enjoying that incredibly hilarious banter as much as the rest of us. \u00a0It turns out Thor is but one of the\u00a0Avengers that vanish between issues without explanation,\u00a0also including Captain America, because clearly the story could not sustain the weight of its own cast of characters<\/em>. \u00a0But I would like to take a moment to direct your attention to page eight, panel four<\/a> \u2013 take a close look there between Smasher and Spider-Woman.\u00a0 What the @#$% is that scribbly bull@#$% supposed to be?\u00a0 Is that Angela? \u00a0Freyja? \u00a0Bundegarde the Forgotten? \u00a0‘Cause it’s sure as @#$% not Thor! \u00a0And on this subject, in the second issue, we also have this\u00a0funny ha-ha joke<\/a> about the GotG\u00a0forgetting Venom was on the team.\u00a0 I guess it\u2019s kinda funny, until one realizes that (a) the GotG clearly have too many members for any of them to be treated like actual characters<\/em> instead of one-note gags, and (b) Venom is yet another<\/em> character dragged into this mob scene of a story, only to pointedly, emphatically contribute nothing<\/em> to the story in any discernible way.<\/p>\n

But my long-winded point is that this issue introduces Kindun the Living Planet, who I guess is like Ego the Living Planet<\/a>, only boring and stupid.\u00a0 He\u2019s just this guy?\u00a0 Just this boring generic alien guy?\u00a0 And instead of a personality or backstory, all he does is keep reiterating, \u201cI am this planet<\/a>.\u201d\u00a0 Okay, cool!\u00a0 How does that happen?\u00a0 How does a guy become a planet, or vise versa?\u00a0 Did\u2026 did you want to demonstrate what \u201cI am this planet\u201d actually means by doing something<\/em> while the rest of the Avengers cut through the Chitauri like so much fodder?\u00a0 Or\u2026 could we get maybe a flashback to explain what this guy\u2019s deal is, instead of devoting several bland pages to reminding us that Gamora and Thanos know each other?<\/em> \u00a0Because, yeah, Kindun is mad at Thanos for doing something to him<\/a> however-long ago, and now he\u2019s\u2026 taking his vengeance out on Gamora<\/a>? \u00a0Who doesn’t even seem to recognize<\/em> him? \u00a0Which makes me feel like I should probably conduct a study on how many Bendis plots are predicated on someone seeking vengeance against someone they\u2019ve never met <\/em>to get back at some uninvolved third party, because it\u2019s easy to write an antagonist that just acts like an irrational lunatic, isn\u2019t it? \u00a0And speaking of easy writing, this issue follows a standard Bendis plot structure:\u00a0someone gets kidnapped, several dozen characters stand around for several pages yammering about the hows and whys and wherefores, then they somehow [plot<\/span>–convenient<\/span> teleporter Manifold] go over there [to the other end of the galaxy apparently] and get <\/i>said kidnapped character, nothing at stake, nothing changes, the end.<\/p>\n

Man, I wish the sentient embodiment of an entire planet were in the hands of a writer who knew what he was doing.\u00a0 Also, why go to the effort of creating a halfhearted original character when you could have made use of the Living Planet that already exists<\/a>?<\/em>\u00a0 We only recently had a miniseries where Thanos launches an attack on Ego, which was awesome<\/em>.\u00a0 (There was one part where the narrator said the most disturbing\u00a0thing he\u2019d ever seen was Ego breaking into a smile \u2013 and it was!\u00a0 It was<\/em>\u00a0disturbing!)\u00a0 Ego had as much motivation to retaliate against Thanos as anyone!<\/p>\n

Any<\/em>dangway. \u00a0This brings us here to the final issue of the current run of GotG before Secret Wars, and with that in mind, I thought the world-destroying cataclysm looming over the horizon at the end of the previous issue was the same cataclysm\u00a0from every other<\/em> Marvel series right now. \u00a0But nope! \u00a0Gamora wastes no time in informing us that the planet on a collision course with Spartax is actually our old friend “the Kindun,” once again seeking vengeance against Gamora. \u00a0She flies off to confront the planet while the rest of the GotG participate in uninspired fight-banter<\/a> against — you guessed it! — the CHITAURI<\/a>!\u00a0 Yes, the same boring, generic, one-dimensional, no-dialogue alien monsters who bring absolutely nothing to a story, but who you might remember from that movie that time. \u00a0And poor Rocket Raccoon… he’s always been a bit\u00a0of a funny cartoon animal, but at least before Bendis he was a character capable of offering more more than just stupid unfunny space-swears over<\/a> and over<\/a><\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0aaaaauuuggghhh GOD<\/a>. \u00a0<\/em>Why has no one told him that there’s more to writing a sci-fi space-alien comic than making up funny-sounding nonsense words? \u00a0Why has no one told him about that most fundamental rule\u00a0of writing, “Less is more?”<\/p>\n

So, yeah. \u00a0Gamora confronts Kindun, who looks like he’s been hitting the space-gym<\/a> since their last encounter. \u00a0He tells the Chitauri to shoot her with their laser-guns (“I want\u00a0to see her dying breath. \u00a0I want to show it to Thanos as recompense for what he has done to us.” \u00a0Yeah, that’ll<\/em>\u00a0teach him to do whatever\u00a0it was he did!) (Also, um… how do you show<\/em> somebody someone else’s dying breath? \u00a0Are… are you having one of\u00a0the Chitauri film this, Kindun?), and is surprised when they do not kill her. \u00a0Gamora then takes the position of sensible rational character vs. jabbering lunatic, telling Kindun to stop this misguided fight, pleading with him to just leave and not force her to kill him. \u00a0Then he orders the Chitauri to kill her, there’s another<\/em>\u00a0fight scene where she slaughters everybody, and again she tells him that she hates Thanos too but\u00a0he really<\/em> needs to stop threatening her and her friends! \u00a0And then the Chitauri and the planet retreat to fight another day, yaaaaay. \u00a0(Star-Lord: “Is it me or are they getting farther away?!” \u00a0Rocket: “I just thought I was getting taller! (Finally.)” \u00a0Hahaha because he’s a cute little funny animal!) \u00a0Gamora then tells the team that she has to leave because she’s become a threat to their safety, prompting the following speech\u00a0that I find to be both\u00a0a sincerely admirable attempt on Bendis’ part to imbue Gamora’s\u00a0character with some personality and conflict and goals, and, simultaneously,\u00a0a totally overwritten wankfest:<\/p>\n

Star-Lord: “No, no, no… no one blames you for this. \u00a0We’re all a threat to all of our safety.”
\nRocket Raccoon: “It’s kind of our thing.”
\nGamora: “I now have the power to find and destroy Thanos, and until I do, until the galaxy knows that I have done this once and for all… I cannot let what almost happened today ever happen again. \u00a0I cannot let you be attacked for the legacy I carry with me. \u00a0Please relate this to Drax and Groot. \u00a0I do not believe I could look right into Groot’s eyes and say this to him. \u00a0I love you all too much. \u00a0You have no idea how much.”<\/p>\n

Haha, yes! \u00a0Groot is truly the moral compass of the Guardians of the Galaxy, the finest of us all.<\/p>\n

Finally, I want to share with you the advance solicitation for this issue: “Guardians no more? \u00a0Following the Black Vortex, the Guardians have come into conflict with one another more and more. \u00a0With rifts forming between them, will their friendship and history be enough to hold the team together?” \u00a0The thing of it is… none of that is true. \u00a0None of that is what happens in this issue. \u00a0They actually just fight against a bunch of aliens and a villain who doesn’t have any legitimate reason to hate them. \u00a0The team is getting along with each other as well as they ever have, for a bunch of space-misfits who have no reason to stick together as a team. \u00a0And they don’t\u00a0actually break up. \u00a0The issue ends with a pouty moody Star-Lord sitting in the Spartax throne room, still nothing more than a blandly-handsome wise-cracking\u00a0screw-up who continues to run away from the responsibilities of adulthood\u00a0while he runs around playing space-pirate, and his fiancee Kitty Pryde continues to raise questions to which Bendis himself<\/em> does not know or offer any answers: asking Star-Lord what he wants<\/em> to do, and telling him it’s on him<\/em> to decide what he does next. \u00a0(No, seriously, that’s the last line of this issue<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

And that’s the twenty-seventh and final issue of this run of the Guardians of the Galaxy. \u00a0If you liked that, do stay tuned for my upcoming multi-part analysis of why the Guardians of the Galaxy movie, as fun as it was, is the worst thing that could have happened to these characters!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before we start digging in to this issue, to really get the necessary background, I should bring up the first two issues of the spinoff series Guardians Team-Up \u2013 because naturally, I\u2019m sure there were fans pointing to Bendis\u2019s GotG and saying \u201cYes, this, we want more of this!\u201d \u00a0I think these two issues are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-208","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/208","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=208"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/208\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":270,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/208\/revisions\/270"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}