{"id":232,"date":"2015-05-28T22:24:29","date_gmt":"2015-05-29T05:24:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/?p=232"},"modified":"2015-05-30T20:21:11","modified_gmt":"2015-05-31T03:21:11","slug":"ultimate-end-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/?p=232","title":{"rendered":"Ultimate End 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the Secret Wars miniseries purported to bring about the end of the Ultimate line of comics\u00a0— well, the latest<\/em> end of the Ultimate comics, anyway. \u00a0At the end of the day, it\u2019s every bit what one would expect from a Bendis\/Bagley comic, no less, and certainly no more. \u00a0The New York Cities\u00a0from both universes are kinda merged into one. \u00a0(Or, as bizarrely<\/em> stated in the Secret Wars recap page, “Each domain holding its own mysteries and enchantments, but none so New York as… Manhattan<\/strong>.”) \u00a0Spider-Man comes down with a case of the Bendises by whining like an idiot for the whole issue about how everybody knows his secret identity, apparently forgetting that the majority of the planet and\u00a0everyone else in the entire multiverse has been obliterated\u00a0in an apocalyptic cataclysm<\/em>. \u00a0(“I have a family<\/em>. \u00a0I have things to protect. \u00a0I may have adult acne. \u00a0And I don’t like any of you knowing my name!!!”<\/em>)\u00a0 After a perfunctory fight\u00a0scene with Spider-Man and the Teen Ultimates versus the all-ladies Serpent Squad — during which I noticed that Miles Morales is completely absent from this entire issue, which I thought was a peculiar omission — we\u00a0quickly\u00a0get back to Bendis’ natural element: a dozen characters standing around in a room yammering at each other. \u00a0Example:<\/p>\n

Hawkeye: “It’s a fair question… why are you leading this meeting, Fury?”
\nNick Fury: “Because I called the meeting. \u00a0You’re in my house, Hawkeye. \u00a0And where I come from, that makes you a guest. \u00a0And where I come from, a guest shows some %#&*$@ courtesy to his %#&*$@ host.”
\nHawkeye: “Where did<\/em> you come from?”
\nNick Fury: “And frankly, Barton, I don’t care if you stay or leave.”
\nHawkeye: “I believe I was just told off.”
\nBlack Widow: “Spanked.”<\/p>\n

Good god<\/em>. \u00a0That is how the scene opens<\/em>. \u00a0So many words used to say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING<\/em>. \u00a0But I\u00a0will say that the lettering is doing a remarkable<\/em> job of adhering to all-capitals for the Marvel characters,\u00a0and lowercase lettering for the Ultimates. \u00a0Good job, Cory Petit! \u00a0I admire your attention to detail.<\/p>\n

But we could stay here all day pointing out irritating Bendis foibles one by one. \u00a0(Oh, heck, just one more<\/a> for good measure!) \u00a0But back when I first heard the news about the Marvel and Ultimate universes smooshing together like so many pizzas, I kinda shrugged, because at this point I thought the Ultimate universe basically consisted of \u201cMiles Morales and others.\u201d \u00a0So I thought I’d do a quick rundown on the few surviving Ultimate characters that remain.<\/p>\n

Miles Morales<\/strong>: Oh wow, did you guys hear there’s a black<\/em> Spider-Man? \u00a0But yeah, the apparent darling of the Ultimate universe, and I could not tell you anything about his personality other than he’s a good kid. \u00a0With, like, a good heart, and a good head on his shoulders, or whatever. \u00a0I mean, what can you<\/em> guys tell me about Miles Morales that’s not related to his race? \u00a0Not much, right? \u00a0It’s just a shame that between this\u00a0and Spider-Verse, he’s been relegated to not just a<\/em> Spider-Man among many<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The Thing<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0You guys probably hadn’t heard that a couple years back, the Ultimate Thing kinda \u201cmolted\u201d out of his rocky exterior, resulting in a Ben Grimm who can either be a normal human, or can transform into a guy who\u2019s just as strong as the Thing, only he\u2019s glowy and purple instead of an ungainly rock-monster, so it’s easier for him to fall in wuv with his girlfriend, Sue Storm. \u00a0Because I know I\u2019ve said it a million times: \u201cThe Thing is always more interesting when he can change back and forth from his monster form at will.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nick Fury<\/strong>: Believe it or not, we actually now have two<\/em> black Nick Furys. \u00a0The one in the Marvel universe is actually the long-lost son of Nick Fury Sr.! \u00a0Yes, our cup runneth over with Nick Furys!<\/p>\n

Iron Man<\/strong>: Antonio Stark (this isn’t a joke, his Ultimate name is seriously Antonio) was pretty fun as Mark Millar’s unabashedly<\/em> alcoholic genius millionaire with a terminal brain tumor, but he’s since had just about all the edges rounded off until he’s basically just another Iron Man. \u00a0Although it was kinda fun once he started talking to his brain tumor and it developed into a kind of separate entity named Anthony, a “parallel processor”\u00a0with the power to technopathically control and communicate with machinery. \u00a0(This also isn’t a joke.)<\/p>\n

Invisible Woman<\/strong>: I like that she’s a genius biologist instead of a devoted wife and mother, but that’s pretty much all the brings to the table.<\/p>\n

Hawkeye<\/strong>: As something of an exception, the Marvel Hawkeye has basically morphed into something more closely resembling his\u00a0Ultimate equivalent, all sunglasses and straps and close-cropped hair. \u00a0Thinking about it, isn’t it kinda weird that Matt Fraction is singlehandedly responsible for flipping\u00a0the switch that turned\u00a0Hawkeye from the hotheaded rogue — who’d basically get mad at Captain America’s authority and get back at him by forming his own<\/em> team of Avengers and he’ll<\/em> be the leader, see what he thinks about that<\/em> — into the hard-luck whipping-boy of the Avengers?<\/p>\n

Cloak and Dagger<\/strong>: They were high school sweethearts who got into a limo accident on the way to their prom that\u00a0placed them both into identical comas<\/em>, during which time they were experimented on by a brain trust of mad scientists and given super-powers identical to that of their Marvel equivalents. \u00a0So they’re around. \u00a0But seriously, matching comas<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The Hulk<\/strong>: There is still an Ultimate Hulk. \u00a0He is grayish. \u00a0That is all.<\/p>\n

Thor<\/strong>: I think<\/em> the last we saw of Ultimate Thor, he was left drifting in the lightless void alongside Galactus after his brief stint in the Ultimate Universe, but I think we’ve seen Galactus again since, so who knows. \u00a0The thing about Thor was that when he first appeared in\u00a0Mark Millar’s\u00a0Ultimates, no one knew if this guy was the actual earthly reincarnation of the god of thunder, or if he was just some hippie nutjob with a massively-powerful hammer and delusions of godhood. \u00a0But that tension and ambiguity made for a fantastic character, along with his own goals and motivations for being a part of the Ultimates, like when he refused to assist with the battle against the Hulk until President Bush agreed to double the federal foreign aid budget. \u00a0But then at the end of Ultimates v2, they revealed that, yes, he actually is\u00a0<\/em>the god of thunder, and that Asgard exists, and all the other gods and trolls and pixies and whatever just started tumbling out all over the place during the big final battle, and it was like oh, okay, now he’s just another boring Thor. \u00a0He even started speaking in pseudo-Shakespearean after that. \u00a0Oh well.<\/p>\n

Kitty Pryde<\/strong>: I admit that it might be fun to see more of Ultimate Kitty Pryde. \u00a0She started out as Peter Parker’s girlfriend (since I doubt there’s anything Bendis loves more than a nice Jewish girl), but then she became a vigilante in her own right, and then a leader among the mutant community. \u00a0She also practiced with her powers so that in addition to becoming intangible, she can alter her molecular density in the other<\/em> direction and become, like, this super-dense powerhouse\u00a0who can smash cars and stuff.\u00a0 Which is the kind of detail I like when these Ultimate characters grow and change beyond the constraints of their Marvel origins.<\/p>\n

Colossus<\/strong>: He’s gay, but don’t worry, you guys, Ultimate Colossus is from an alternate reality, not a time-travel paradox, so his coming out\u00a0didn’t throw me into a fit of impotent nerd-rage. \u00a0And I think he might even still be alive? \u00a0I don’t know.<\/p>\n

The rest of the X-Men<\/strong>: Oh, god only knows. \u00a0There’s a boring mohawk Storm. \u00a0There’s a boring Iceman. \u00a0There’s a boring southern goth Rogue. \u00a0There’s a boring Jean Grey where Bendis had her and Teen Jean form their own mutual admiration society and tell each other how great\u00a0they are. \u00a0Ultimate Wolverine is dead (as far as I know), but we’ve still got his son Jimmy<\/em>. \u00a0They’re all just the same X-Men only whiny boring teenagers and I simply cannot work up the energy\u00a0to care. \u00a0(You guys should totally read the Brian K. Vaughan issues of Ultimate X-Men, though. \u00a0Those were rad.)<\/p>\n

Doctor Doom<\/strong>: I think one of the reasons Doctor Doom has yet to successfully translate to the big screen is that he doesn’t have an awesome Ultimate equivalent with a streamlined modern origin story. \u00a0You know? \u00a0It’s hard to make a compelling, non-ironic villain out of a disfigured armored mad scientist with doctorates in mechanical engineering and<\/em> gypsy sorcery. \u00a0I mean, there is an Ultimate Doctor Doom,\u00a0as created by Warren Ellis and Stuart Immonen. \u00a0But he was a goat-legged organic-armored monster-man who started his own commune in Latveria, built a batch of flying bluetooth-controlled bug-bots to murder Reed Richards, and attacks by throwing metal spines and exhaling\u00a0toxic gas from “converting the remains of my internal organs into poison.” \u00a0So needless to say, I<\/em> think he’s a dream come true, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were those who didn’t share my opinion.<\/p>\n

Captain America<\/strong>: Haha, I think Ultimate Steve Rogers might still be dead after the events of Cataclysm? \u00a0Here’s what happened in that particular issue:\u00a0Captain America needed to buy everybody time during the fight with Galactus, so he hopped into a jet and took\u00a0off without a second thought while Storm provided cover. \u00a0Panel 2: Captain America looking stoic and grim in the pilot’s seat. \u00a0Panel 3: the jet firing into Galactus’s gaping maw (which was pretty awesome). \u00a0Panel 4: Captain America runs away from the jet’s cockpit towards the back of the plane<\/i>. \u00a0Panel 5<\/span>: the jet crashes into Galactus’s mouth and explodes. \u00a0Two more pages and the issue ends. \u00a0And I was like, was I supposed to interpret that<\/em> as\u00a0The Death of Ultimate Captain America? \u00a0Guys, do you know what Captain America’s superpower is, which he demonstrates in literally every<\/i> movie he’s in? \u00a0Jumping out of a plane like it’s not even a big deal<\/i>. \u00a0But that’s\u00a0apparently him\u00a0in the big stupid fight scene alluded to at the beginning of this very issue, so what-the-@#$%-ever I guess!<\/p>\n

Frankly, the only Ultimate character I think has nothing but potential is Reed Richards<\/strong>. \u00a0I love him because he’s so different from staid and boring Mr. Fantastic. \u00a0For one thing, Sue analysed him after the accident that gave them all their powers and discovered that he has no bones, no differentiated organs — all he has inside his body is a stack of bacteria (because Warren Ellis loves stacks of bacteria), so he doesn’t even need to eat or breathe. \u00a0Secondly, he’s a deranged super-genius who created his own separate species in a temporally-accelerated sentient City of the Future<\/em>. \u00a0Isn’t that thrilling? \u00a0What if Mr. Fantastic’s vaunted genius were twisted into something so radically different and interesting?<\/em>\u00a0 He doesn’t even age! \u00a0Nick Fury himself referred to him as “a thousand-year-old megalomaniacal boy genius who wiped out most of Europe on a whim!” \u00a0That is amazing! \u00a0That is what the Ultimate universe is there for, to take these characters, strip them of decades\u00a0of cumbersome continuity\u00a0to get to the core of what they’re about, and then — here’s the crucial part\u00a0— explore\u00a0how they can diverge<\/em> from their expected, predetermined roles! \u00a0And\u00a0even though Reed\u00a0isn’t seen or mentioned in this issue, I’m so gratified that\u00a0he’s going to have a prominent role in the main Secret Wars series, and I hope we see more of him after all this reality-colliding dust settles.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the Secret Wars miniseries purported to bring about the end of the Ultimate line of comics\u00a0— well, the latest end of the Ultimate comics, anyway. \u00a0At the end of the day, it\u2019s every bit what one would expect from a Bendis\/Bagley comic, no less, and certainly no more. \u00a0The New York Cities\u00a0from both […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-232","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comic_round-up"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/232","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=232"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/232\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":261,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/232\/revisions\/261"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=232"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=232"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=232"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}