{"id":321,"date":"2015-06-20T15:42:07","date_gmt":"2015-06-20T22:42:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/?p=321"},"modified":"2015-06-23T09:07:06","modified_gmt":"2015-06-23T16:07:06","slug":"ultimate-end-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/?p=321","title":{"rendered":"Ultimate End 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh, good<\/em>. \u00a0Brian Michael Bendis has murdered Hawkeye<\/a> again!<\/em> \u00a0He must be so proud of himself!<\/p>\n

So, yeah, the Thors showed up and warned our heroes that God-Emperor Doom is “aware of the dimensional travesty that you have made of your home,” and that they’re not to try fixing it themselves. \u00a0Prime-continuity Hawkeye challenges this (“I do challenge it!!!”<\/em>, three exclamation points), and so they lightning him to death. \u00a0But I can’t bring myself to care because, thankfully, a cursory glance at the Internet proves that I’m not the only one who is wondering where and when the @#$% this comic is meant to be taking place. \u00a0You see, before the end of all reality, a handful of heroes made it in to an ark ship and survived in stasis, including Captain Marvel, Star-Lord (of course), Black Panther, Mr. Fantastic, Spider-Man, and Phoenix-Cyclops<\/a>. \u00a0(Because he had a Phoenix Egg! \u00a0What’s that, you ask? \u00a0Where’d he get it, you ask? \u00a0Good questions!) \u00a0In Secret Wars issue 3, Dr. Strange just released them from stasis after eight years. \u00a0Which leads us all to wonder… who, exactly, are these guys<\/a>? \u00a0When<\/em> is this supposed\u00a0to be happening if “our” Spider-Man and Cyclops just woke up? \u00a0Will answers be forthcoming, or does Bendis not know what the @#$% he is doing?<\/p>\n

But hey, at least we get an obligatory\u00a0two-page\u00a0scene with our Spider-Man eating sandwiches with Ultimate Aunt May* and Gwen Stacy in Queens, which — let’s see here — “not sure what the protocol is”… “hoping this weird dimensional weirdness”… “you’re so much younger”… “don’t think this will ever not<\/em> be weird” — which, nope, does not<\/em> progress the overall plot even a tiny little bit. \u00a0Nothing original, nothing interesting, nothing that wasn’t already amply covered in the Spider-Men miniseries. \u00a0Also an overlong scene where Tony Stark and Ultimate Tony Stark discuss the pros and cons of sobriety while deciding whether or not to… I don’t know, move the plot forward despite the warnings of the Thors? \u00a0I assume? \u00a0So many words\u00a0to not say anything at all.<\/p>\n

We then go to the Raft prison for super-criminals, in which\u00a0the Punisher is being held prisoner, until the place is torn apart by Ultimate Hulk<\/a>. \u00a0Maria Hill and Ultimate Nick Fury spend some time yammering at each other about which Hulk it is and if he smashed or crashed into the Raft, because “if he smashed it, he did it on purpose… but if he crashed into it, it means he was either pushed, punched, or thrown.” \u00a0At which point another Hulk<\/a> shows up and they start fighting. \u00a0Which is fair enough, if boring and unimaginative, until I thought about it and realized, wait, which<\/em> Hulk is this now? \u00a0Is it prime-continuity Hulk? \u00a0Because that guy<\/a> was just in his intelligent Doc Green\u00a0persona on page one of this very issue<\/em>. \u00a0So is this just… a\u00a0third\u00a0<\/em>reality’s Hulk? \u00a0Because a Hulk vs. Hulk fight is something I doubt anybody really demanded to see? \u00a0Is something weird going on, or does Bendis not know what the @#$% he is doing?<\/p>\n

*It always feels weird referring to “Ultimate Aunt May,” like she should be wearing a leather\u00a0belly-shirt and delivering\u00a0her catchphrase, “Did somebody say ‘twerking?'”<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh, good. \u00a0Brian Michael Bendis has murdered Hawkeye again! \u00a0He must be so proud of himself! So, yeah, the Thors showed up and warned our heroes that God-Emperor Doom is “aware of the dimensional travesty that you have made of your home,” and that they’re not to try fixing it themselves. \u00a0Prime-continuity Hawkeye challenges this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comic_round-up"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=321"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":362,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions\/362"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}