I\u2019d like to bring up one of my favorite comic works for all the wrong reasons, X-Men: The End.<\/p>\n
For those of you unfamiliar, Marvel has put out a few The End stories, theorizing what it might look like if the stories of some of Marvel\u2019s more popular characters reached their natural conclusion. \u00a0Garth Ennis and Richard Corben\u2019s Punisher: The End was a particularly good example of this, not least of which because, at a single taut issue, it didn\u2019t outstay its welcome. \u00a0This issue asked, what is the Punisher about?<\/em> \u00a0What would prompt Frank Castle to finally bring to an end his one-man war against crime? \u00a0But at the far opposite end of the spectrum, we have the X-Men\u2019s opus in the form of three<\/em> interconnected miniseries at six issues each<\/em>, written by longtime X-Men writer Chris Claremont. \u00a0You\u2019d think that if anyone would understand what the X-Men are about, to boil them down into their essential elements and craft a conclusion accordingly, it\u2019d be Chris Claremont. \u00a0But these days, I like to think of him as the X-Men\u2019s George Lucas: he did great work in turning the X-Men into a successful franchise, but then he returned to his creation after a significant hiatus, only to leave me aghast and wondering, \u201cDoes\u2026 does he really not get<\/em> the X-Men? \u00a0To this extent?\u201d<\/p>\n The idea behind these series was to craft the final X-Men story as an epic trilogy in the tradition of The Lord of the Rings. \u00a0I did not pick up or read them as they came out, but I view the collected edition as the comic equivalent of one\u2019s favorite terrible movie, in that I can dip into just about any page and find something hilarious. \u00a0It features all of Chris Claremont\u2019s usual tropes, from a spunky improbable future-daughter in the form of Deathbird and Bishop\u2019s daughter (ugh<\/em>) Aliyah Bishop, to his ubiquitous bondage\/possession\/mind-control fetish (Aliyah being possessed by the Brood, Tullamore Voge turning Nocturne into a spike-riddled Hound), to having these characters pair off and have children, dozens and dozens<\/em> of children just ripe for the kidnapping. \u00a0To be fair, I have yet to check out Claremont\u2019s GeNeXt books featuring the continued adventures of X-offspring Becka Munroe, Pavel Rasputin, (ugh<\/em>) Olivier Raven, and lest we forget \u201cNo-Name\u201d (not even kidding<\/a>). \u00a0(Remember back in, like, middle-school, when you thought it\u2019d be cool to have characters like \u201cNo-Name\u201d in your X-Men fan-fiction? How young we were!)<\/p>\n Of course, the whole thing is precipitated by the resurrection of Jean Grey as the Phoenix, so various factions across the Earth and the larger galaxy start quivering in planet-immolating fear. \u00a0Consequently, the X-Men spend\u2026 I\u2019d say seventy-five percent of this eighteen-issue story fighting \u201cWar-Skrulls,\u201d because that\u2019s what the X-Men are about, right? \u00a0Clearly that is what the \u201cfinal\u201d X-Men epic should focus on: fighting shape-shifting space aliens. \u00a0From a strictly personal perspective, I\u2019ve never been the biggest fan of the X-Men\u2019s space adventures, because I don\u2019t feel it\u2019s what the X-Men are inherently about. \u00a0Removing them from Earth removes them from society and, to an extent, negates their status as outsiders. \u00a0Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m all for Marvel characters enjoying the occasional trip into the vaster Marvel universe, X-Men included\u2026 I just don\u2019t think it makes for the X-Men\u2019s best stories. The whole affair culminates in a giant, overblown battle at the far end of the universe when Xavier\u2019s genocidal twin sister Cassandra Nova usurps the power of the Phoenix Force.<\/p>\n But throughout this madness, back on Earth, a token effort is made to hearken back to Xavier and the X-Men\u2019s dream of mutant\/human coexistence, in the form of the subplot in which mutant activist and Claremont\u2019s darling Kitty Pryde is running for mayor of Chicago against Alice Tremaine, the most straw-man anti-mutant bigot you ever did see. All her dialogue can basically be summed up with \u201cMutants are monsters and abominations!!!\u201d to which Kitty replies, \u201cLet me calmly rebut those points in the form of the following well-reasoned and rational appeals for tolerance and acceptance.\u201d<\/p>\n And it can\u2019t be overstated that there are so\u2026 many\u2026 characters<\/em>. \u00a0Sean Chen\u2019s terrible redesign on Wither\u2019s costume<\/a> is hilariously on-the-nose. \u00a0Following the events of Claremont\u2019s Storm-centric storyline \u201cThe Arena\u201d (the topic of a future Can We Talk About unto itself), Callisto is still being rendered as an otherwise beautiful woman with tentacles in place of arms and an eye-patch. \u00a0A significant amount of pages are devoted to Dani Moonstar once again taking on the role of an Asgardian Valkyrie, always a particularly bizarre niche of X-Men continuity. \u00a0Vargas’s stupidly-named sibling henchmen Thais and Thaiis are now the X-Men’s @#$%ing babysitters<\/em><\/a>. \u00a0Madelyne Pryor infiltrates the X-Men by killing Dust and wearing her niqab. \u00a0In the most blatant\u00a0example of nepotistic continuity, we even see the return of Doctor Doom\u2019s generals from the Heroes Reborn universe, sorceress Shakti, amorphous Divinity, and techno-organic Technarx. \u00a0(Have these characters had anything to do with the X-Men to date? \u00a0Nope! \u00a0But hey, there\u2019s room in this boat for everybody, right? \u00a0Hop on board!) \u00a0And as if all\u00a0that<\/em> wasn\u2019t enough to contend with, there\u2019s the non-canonical revelation that Gambit is the third Summers brother (whose identity has since, regrettably, been otherwise confirmed)\u00a0and that furthermore, he, Gambit, is actually a clone of Mr. Sinister<\/a>! \u00a0Clearly, this entire series could only have benefited from being reduced, in length and cast, by at least thirty percent.<\/p>\n But my favorite moment of this whole over-complicated sprawl features the late, unlamented Puffball.<\/p>\n During the events of the fourth\u00a0issue, the X-Force team is ambushed, and their jet is blown up by a missile and crashes to earth! \u00a0Oh no! \u00a0Who could have survived this catastrophe?! \u00a0But what\u2019s this? \u00a0Warpath smashes out of the jet to reveal X-Force has been saved by being individually encased in some featureless, giant white spheres<\/a>, which they just kinda shove their way out of like Styrofoam<\/a>! \u00a0(I would like to take a moment to give Chris Claremont props for going with \u201cMiracles are what the X-Men do best,\u201d instead of opting for the old-timey Claremontism, \u201cMiracles are the X-Men\u2019s stock-in-trade.\u201d) \u00a0Is this some bizarre crash-protection system? \u00a0No, they\u2019ve all been saved by This, class, is what we call the laziest possible writing. \u00a0While I am sure that\u00a0this whole series was just Marvel tossing Chris Claremont a bone and letting him do whatever he wanted… every single thing about this decision baffles me. \u00a0Could none of the several dozen other established X-Men characters present in this series have contributed to this rescue? \u00a0Can you imagine any<\/em> other story in which our heroes\u00a0survive the catastrophe thanks to the actions of an unknown, unseen character<\/em> who saves everybody and then immediately dies?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019d like to bring up one of my favorite comic works for all the wrong reasons, X-Men: The End. For those of you unfamiliar, Marvel has put out a few The End stories, theorizing what it might look like if the stories of some of Marvel\u2019s more popular characters reached their natural conclusion. \u00a0Garth Ennis […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-46","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-can-we-talk-about"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=46"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":58,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46\/revisions\/58"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=46"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=46"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.codyscomiccorner.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=46"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}heretofore unknown<\/del> longtime valued member of X-Force, Puffball! \u00a0But then Irene Merryweather solemnly delivers the bad news: \u201cPuffball \u2013 Laraine \u2013 didn\u2019t make it<\/a>.\u201d We behold another white sphere with a piece of wreckage jammed through it, blood tricking from the cracks. \u00a0And for all her sacrifice and her well-timed rescue, poor unappreciated Puffball is never seen, thought about, or mentioned again!<\/em> \u00a0It\u2019s not even made clear whether she had a human body, or if she was just another featureless white sphere! \u00a0But she nonetheless holds the all-time record for shortest X-Men career by being introduced and killed off in less than one page<\/em>.<\/p>\n